when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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