Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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