I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize