WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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