also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
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He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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