"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
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She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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