it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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