fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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