were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize