You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize