John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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