My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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