So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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