I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked him into tasing himself.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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