threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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