peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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