these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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