can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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