News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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