Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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