life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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