I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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