i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
try to milk me bitch
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