I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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