The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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