tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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