My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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