i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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