i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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