Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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