He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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