college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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