y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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