I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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