Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
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She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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