I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently you make a good broom.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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