So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize