Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize