3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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