Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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