My friends, they love my intelligence
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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