also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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