last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
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I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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