You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
vagina is talking i cant
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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