I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
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Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
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what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize