Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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