Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize