her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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