I cockslap morals
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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