Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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